Rachel’s Vineyard: A Medical Student’s Perspective

Rachel’s Vineyard has been described as “a place to renew, rebuild and redeem hearts broken by abortion.” Based on my experience there earlier this year, this is profoundly true.

I am a medical student at the University of Arizona, currently in my third year of training. Last year I served as the leader for the “Medical Students For Life” organization, a small yet dynamic group that is dedicated to providing balanced and honest information regarding abortion to the physicians of tomorrow. I wanted to be involved with this group because I am passionate about the pro-life cause. I am passionate about the babies who are lost, and I’m passionate about reaching out to the mothers and fathers who have experienced this loss. Perhaps more importantly, I also wanted to be involved with this group because I felt that the number of students that would stand in agreement with me on the issue of abortion was ever dwindling.

In medical school, they teach science. They teach numbers, data, statistics, evidence, clinically proven research. This is a good thing. It has served to eradicate unhelpful practices such as bloodletting via leeches and non-sterile techniques during surgery. So when it comes to matters of the heart, science is good. When it comes to matters of the soul, science can be deceiving in the worst way.

I have witnessed this in my own medical education. In abortion lectures, we are preached at with statistics of medical safety, psychological benefit, and lives saved. (Of the mothers? What about the children?) Of course they are also forced to address—but quickly dismiss—“the other side”, which adamantly maintains that abortion can be painful and damaging both physically and emotionally. And just as the body forms a scar as it heals from a physical wound, the soul forms a scar from an emotional and spiritual wound.

This is where Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat for healing can accomplish far more than any scientifically-derived antidote. This is why I feel so blessed to have been included in this retreat.

I was hesitant to go at first, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to identify with the participants’ pain. Afraid that they would be offended that I was imposing on their important weekend. Afraid, to be honest, that they would assume that I too had had an abortion. I decided to pray about it, and a wonderful prayer partner from Reachout Pregnancy Center—unbeknownst to me at the time—was praying about it too.

What blinders I had on, before that weekend. There was a perfect absence throughout the entire retreat of awkwardness and judgment. There were men and women, post-abortive and not, young and old, healed and broken. There was honesty, there was soul-searching, there was laughter, there were tears, there was bonding. There were inspirational words from Scripture and from those who have walked this path before. There was robust faith juxtaposed with the confession of utter despair. Many times were uplifting, but other times, it was simply raw.

Raw can be good, when healing a wound. Dirty wounds, neglected wounds, in medicine we reopen these. We scrape out the debris and expose fresh, tender, sensitive flesh. This is painful, sometimes excruciating, but this is the substance that can heal. Cleansed of shame and guilt, purified of regret, bathed in hope and love and promise, this is how the wounds of abortion are finally allowed to mend.

On the final day of the retreat there is a Memorial Service. We grieved the loss and celebrated the lives of all the children, named one by one, and offered them up to heaven with gratitude for the gift of their lives and the gift of our new lives, forgiven, hopeful, and blessed.

What a tremendous gift this entire experience was to me. My sincere thanks to all the leaders, participants, sponsors, and prayer warriors who made this weekend possible. May your message continue to speak to the hearts of all the courageous men and women who seek healing after abortion. You are changing their lives, just as you changed mine.